We live in an aischrolatreian society...

Harry Potter and the Craptastic Screenwriter and Director

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:40:53 GMT

I'm going to write what I told black_rider, plus some.

We saw it yesterday afternoon, and I just woke up feeling like I went to a surreal party, did something I wasn't supposed to, and am now paying for it/regretting that something that I forget that I did. There is just something about the film that bothers me and I can't figure out what it is--except for the fact that I know Steve Kloves wrote the fucking thing and fucked it up as usual.

This is going to bounce around the entire movie, so don't expect to read something linear from me (especially since I just woke up).

Like the very end, where Hermione is all VERY SERIOUS!111 about everything and then suddenly says "You know, Ron's all right with it." and I'm thinking "...Ron's all right with Dumbledore dying, WHAT???" But then two seconds later Hermione says some shit about Ginny and I'm like OH MY FUCK, IT'S THE CURSE OF STEVE KLOVES AND HIS SHITASTIC ENDINGS (recall, the worst, very worst ending was the ending to Chamber of Secrets where Harry says "There's no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid!" and everyone dissolves into an orgy of tears and fapping over the big fat half-giant in the dining hall).

But then last night I got to thinking that it can't all be Kloves...Cuaron worked with a Kloves script and he was able to make a tight, thematic, stand-alone movie; someone who isn't into the movies or books at all can watch Azkaban and come away feeling like they know something about Harry Potter (and such is NOT the case with the crap that Yates has directed). So it's not just the screenwriter, it's the fucking director, too. Yates really sucks some big ass.

Emma Watson doesn't do very well under Yates for some reason. She was absolutely horrible in the scene in the library where she's bitching to Potter; there was a point where her lines were even more stilted than usual. Had it been me, I would've yelled "CUT!!!" and had her do it over again, because I know she can deliver something better. Though, as always, Kloves' hardon for Emma shows in his giving Emmione everything Ron's supposed to say (at the end scene I first mentioned, it was Ron who said that they'd be there for Harry in the book).

Like with most dissenters, I also thought it useless to blow up the Burrow, but I guess that they can magically "fix" it before the wedding in the next movie. Still, it was fantastically stupid, and if the movie needed "action", then there should've been a fight at the end with the Death Eaters and the kids (kids, right? I think it's the Dumbledore's Army kids who get involved, I forget). I'd like to get my hands on a final script to see if this was Kloves' version of "originality", since he's not going to win any awards for adaptations of HP, ever.

The idea that Dumbledore did not know what Horcruxes was REALLY bothered the fuck out of me, and the idea that it was minimized/took a backseat to all of the FUCKING teen romance makes my hatred for Kloves/Yates grow exponentially. Dumbledore has always known what Horcruxes are. He had suspected that that's what Tom Riddle had been doing. And--AND--he was supposed to have clued Harry in on the OTHER Horcruxes that might exist around Riddlemort (the founders' stuff, etc.). It's fucking ricockulous that Kloves/Yates set it up so that Harry has no fucking idea WTF he's doing, where he's going or what he's looking for (he already is in this situation in the book, but at least he has SOME idea of where to look towards for the Horcruxes). Such a simple, simple little detail that didn't have to be changed, yet it seems like they changed it for the fuck of it.

Also for the fuck of it (perhaps containing minor nitpicks, likes and dislikes):

-- The "I killed Sirius Black" echo at the VERY beginning of the film. Really, really not needed, since it diminishes the impact of it later on in the Burrow scene AND because it sure seemed like, instead of mourning Sirius's death and being the brooding fellow that he was, Harry forgot about Sirius and chased skirts along with Ron and the rest of the hormonal teen boys in the movie (except for Draco).

-- The retarded, RETARDED exclusion of the Dursleys and Dumbeldore's smackdown of them in favor of some flirtatious bullshit with some random broad at the beginning. I get that it was to spoon-feed us into thinking "LOOK, HARRY'S GOT A PENIS AND IT WORKS, LOOKIT HIM FLIRTING WITH THE HOT WAITRESS!" so that we wouldn't be SO shocked once we realized that Kloves/Yates were making a teen romantic comedy that might or might not have something to do with some evil guy who's like Hitler trying to kill all non-magical folk, but to sacrifice THAT much canon for that? I'd be pretty fucking mad if I were that actress who plays Mrs. Dursley too (apparently she was pissed about not being included in Goblet of Fire and I'm pissed for her too, because I REALLY wanted to see the Weasleys interact with the Dursleys).

-- Speaking of random bullshit, Dumbledore's random comment to Harry about him noticing his closeness to Miss Granger. BULLSHIT. Dumbledore knows just about every G-d damned thing and in the movies it seems like Kloves/Yates want to make him look like a bumbling fool (Cuaron sure didn't...in Azkaban, Dumbledore knew *EVERYTHING* and you knew it/you could sense it [particluarly when he instructed Hermione about the Time Turner, and afterwards when she said "We did it!" "Did what? *wink* Good night..."]).

-- No mention from Hermione of the fact that when she went to the library and went searching around for "The Half Blood Prince" that all she found were records of an Eileen Prince who went to the school many years ago.

-- Psychostalker!Lavender Brown.

-- Harry/Ginny's first kiss. What the bloody Hell was that? Where was the whole Quidditch triumph/"Dean Thomas with a broken glass in his hand" bit? Admittedly I did find that otherwise, they did stick pretty true to Dean Thomas's role in the book. LOL @ him kissing Ginny in the pub.

-- Still, a black man can't catch a break, even in Harry Potter. Blaise being pretty silent except for a laugh made me angry. He has lines in the book! Just ONE good line from the train would've sufficed (though casting wise, he was very pretty). I'd also caught him during Quidditch in his (neat, new) Quidditch robes carrying the Quaffle. Eh.

-- Narcissa's hair. I don't care for the actress who portrayed Narcissa to begin with, but WTF was up with the skunk do? Chelle insists that her hair stripe was white, but I disagree--it was that awful bleach-blonde, just like Draco and Lucius's. Anyone else in agreement? But anyway, she should not have had black hair on the top. Perhaps the designers were trying to convey that "Look! This woman is related to Bellatrix!" but if this movie was being made for the fans--which I suspect it was, no matter how hard it raped canon--they would not have had to spoon-feed us that. We know they're related. We've known they were related since at least the last book/movie. Adding in the black hair was just fucking stupid.

-- During Slughorn's party when Cormac puked on Snape's shoes, I thought we were suddenly watching some piece of shit teen movie like American Pie. HURR HURR, LOOKIT THE ROMANCE, THE BROMANCE, THE PARTYING AND THE PUKE! HURR HURR. Completely unnecessary to throw that shit into HP, because there's plenty--PLENTY--of humor in the books that these idiots can't seem to pick up on/rewrite for the screen.

-- Seems like the only scene that Kloves DIDN'T fuck with at least a tiny bit was the scene in the Cave. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, because that scene's going to give me nightmares. Those Inferi creeped me out in the fucking BOOK, but to see them onscreen (despite their initial Gollum-like appearance) made me want to girly scream/cry (instead I clutched Chelle's arm real hard). And it was painful to watch Harry forcing Dumbledore to drink, as it was painful to read in the book. That was probably the best and most faithful scene in the movie.

-- Harry would not have been able to help himself and HAD to be stunned under his Invisibility Cloak in order for Dumbledore to keep him from interfering in what was about to transpire in the Tower. For movie!Harry to stand there and watch with barely an admonishment from Snape was fucking stupid. Though the execution of the AK spell on Dumbledore and his actual falling from the tower was pretty harsh and well done.

-- Daniel Radcliffe cannot cry on cue. He just can't. He's proven so since that idiotic scene in Azkaban where he sat "sobbing" under his Invisibility Cloak. So...yeah, he pulled a weaker version of his Cedric's Body Crying over Dumbledore's body. It was laughable.

Things I loved? Bellatrix, but then again, just about ANYTHING Helena Carter does is awesome to me (and I wanted her for Bellatrix even before they cast her). Luna (she is always awesome). The Weasley's shop (fantabulous!). Also, by the time I consciously said to myself "Damn, this is a long movie, and a movie made for the fans", it was Tower Time (but then when I started thinking about the pacing, I thought that it was poorly paced/transitioned, "plot"-wise). Okay, so it didn't really have a plot, because the plot of HBP belonged to [mostly] to Snape and the setting-up of the Horcruxes, both of which were failed miserably by Kloves/Yates. But as a whole, I'd probably go see it again in IMAX, out of morbid curiosity to see what scenes they make 3D (Chelle insists it'll be the Cave/Inferi scene, at which point I'll just cry into my popcorn under my seat). I didn't come out of it with pure hatred like I did after Goblet of Fire (which I still watch anyway, because it's part of the series), but I noticed that a whole lot of HP fans are starting to speak about how much more faithful Chris Columbus was to the actual books. Yeah. That's right...his direction and art direction might be fruity and a bit cheesy, BUT as far as adaptations that are faithful to the books, the first two movies are pretty accurate compared to the shit that Yates puts out. I just wish that Cuaron was doing the last movie. :(

I also couldn't help but notice how awful Dame Maggie Smith looked in this one (almost as bad as whatshisname-Dumbledore from Chamber of Secrets). I know that she's been suffering from some illness (breast cancer, I think?), but I sure truly hope she makes it to the last movie--we really need to see her kick Umbridge's ass! It would be really horrible if she didn't. ;_____;

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I love this. Sirensong12's Facedesk friend uploaded it.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:07:01 GMT

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Writer's Block: 5//7//5

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:31:49 GMT

Sum up your day in the form of a haiku.

Submitted By cpnspuff

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fucking adopters
dumping dogs off at shelters
make me want to KILL.

Chelle's such a whiner
no HP in IMAX yet
she threw a tantrum.

still so hot in here
and computer running slow
someone just kill me.

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:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 10:54:23 GMT

He's 2! He's 2, he's 2, happy birthday to you, Henry bubby you're 2!

They grow up so fast. ;______;

Bad Stuff: Seems like his website is experiencing some downtime. I don't know why. But I hope it's because many people have crashed the servers, LOL! No, but really. I can't even get into the administrative area of the website, so I might have to open a support ticket.

I was GOING to use his birthday as an opportunity to guilt you all into playing that game to win the Touch, but obviously since the site is down, I can't at the moment. I can do some e-begging though, by hopefully jimmying the button at PayPal a little for this post only (the graphic; since the site is down, the button I'm using over there right now wouldn't have a graphic, so I've uploaded the graphic to the Bucket).

So, apart from the website and the event to win the iPod Touch, if you feel like throwing a little at Henry for his birthday (which will all go to the project we're working on anyway...okay, maybe he can get a bone/treat or something with a little of it), then be our guest.

Henry appreciates it. He's quite at home at the store, when he's there when I am. Neither of us can really think of it as not being "his" store, so we sure hope [and are working to make sure that] the dream comes true.

(I have a horror story...actually a couple of them...about the Saturday adoption fair, but won't ruin this post with it...will save that for another post.)

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Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:49:45 GMT

This is from last year, but ooooooh...what crack cocaine can do to you.

*SIGH*

Apparently the whole damned family is into crack cocaine, and Janet Jackson had divorced James because of it.

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Writer's Block: Comic Instinct

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:15:02 GMT

Do you think animals have a sense of humor?

Submitted By li_bean

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Humor is a very specific human emotion/quality. I think companion animals are a little more abstract than we are, but I'm positive that they experience "joy" in the sense that if they feel good, then they can feel such when their owners feels such (companion animals are VERY intuitive when it comes to their owners' emotions; they might not know why you're sad, but they are aware that you are crying; thus, they might not know why you're laughing and smiling, but they're aware that you're feeling good).

Such is the case with our chihuahua, Teddy. He is a clown! He knows when we're laughing with or at him, because he "smiles". Just now when he was staring at me and I laughed at his funny face, he opened his mouth and "smiled" at me. He also bounces around happily after we tell him how funny a chihuahua he is for playing dead when we "shoot" him (with our fake finger "guns" with a "BANG BANG!"). He lays perfectly still when we feign sadness/mourning over the "dead" chihuahua at our feet and then once we "revive" him, he bounces around. It's friggin' hilarious.

All of our dogs are like this in some capacity, even though they don't all play games like that. Henry likes to smile a lot and Bud is a crazy "laugher" (he sounds like a chimp when he plays with us). Bud's "smile" is probably the best one, since he has the best teeth and it shows against his all-black fur (see icon--that's a natural smile).

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LEGO THRILLER.

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:53:35 GMT

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Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:39:29 GMT

In honor of the King of Pop: What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?

Submitted By deathbylies

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Really, there's far too many to pick from. I was a real fan when I was little. Had the knock-off jackets (like the one he wore in the videos), bought a cheapo pair of costume sparkly gloves and "lost" one ( ;D ) and did the Moonwalk.

Hmm, lemme think...probably this one:

It's too bad he never made an actual video for it (and I never realized how Prince-y it actually sounds...would love to hear Prince cover it, as I loved Prince's performance of "Billie Jean".)

"Wanna Be..." always made me happy. And I forgot how happy until I heard this over again; in the last frame of this tribute video are the lyrics he sings that really just made me confident when I was a kid and very, very shy...and I just cried a little here. Damn it.

MAMA SE MAMA SA MA MA COO SA

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I've always liked this song & video, even though...

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:44:33 GMT

...the two lead vocals weren't even in the video, LOL

I loved it. Still do.

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Jesus Christ, what happened?

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 07:00:05 GMT

(I have yet to read my friends page, so...this will probably be the 4238472847th post that mentions this subject. No apologies here, though.)

I hate finding out about things like this. This was particularly unique because of the way I found out. Before I left, I hovered over Chelle's shoulder to see her check the news and see that Farrah Fawcett had died (R.I.P) but the articles still said that Michael Jackson had had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. Mmmokay, I said "Well shit, I hope he doesn't die or anything."

So I went to Target as scheduled with Chelle's shiny new phone (we haven't had a real cellphone in the time she's been living with me since we can't afford it) and played with it a bit. Had to go to Target to pick up the "prize" for the upcoming contest on Old Man Henry's (and did so, will post about that separately). I was exiting Target when I got the phonecall on Chelle's new phone. She told me that he had died. She sounded shocked.

And it is shocking. It shocked me when I had learned that Princess Diana had been killed. But Michael Jackson? I knew he had been in weird health since his trial, but...to die? At 50?

A part of my childhood died at that moment. For real. Before I became obsessed with the little purple black man with the high voice, I was obsessed--obsessed with the little one-gloved black man with the high voice. I had posters. I had teeny mags/ripped the pics out of them and had my own girly-wall of his photos. I had the knock-off jackets that looked like what he wore in his Thriller and Beat It videos (and even this...weird brown jacket that looked like the one he wore in one of his famous pin-up posters). I had the pins. I had his records. I was just all over it, like most kids my age were at the time. I could even moonwalk at the time (Chelle calls me a liar because she says she could never do it, but I could back then...haven't tried it since though and didn't want to try it in Crocs with my bummed legs, LOL).

So I did shed a few tears and then downloaded a "Thriller" ringtone for her new phone at her mom's expense (HA HA). But that's the only one I'll download, lest her mom (or Chelle, LOL) get all pissy. When I came back down the street from BART, several windows in various apartments were open and each one had a different Jackson song playing inside.

I don't know what else to write. There's a lot I could say about this (I heard from MTV that Madonna hasn't stopped crying...STFU about her now haters, because here's my take: The key music people who defined the 80's were three: Michael Jackson, Madonna and Prince, and I'm positive that the remaining two are probably dumbstruck at the moment, facing the reality of their own mortality and just...a general blah that the world is feeling right now), but...I just want to ask...

...Why? My G-d, what the fuck happened, Michael? T_______________T

Jackson Five - I'll Be There -

(EDIT) Sorry about the short version, my edit hopefully replaces that with the whole song. D:

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This is going to be one fucked up movie.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:11:21 GMT

And I'm 99.9% sure that Tim Burton sleeps with BOTH Carter AND Depp. It's just no question about that.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=3&entry_id=42236

I WANNA SEE IT.

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Writer's Block: I Can Relate

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:41:15 GMT

What fictional character do you most identify with?

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Prrrrrrobably Dr. Gregory House.

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Writer's Block: It Sounds Better When You Say It

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:17:56 GMT

No matter what language you speak, you've probably come across words or phrases in another language that sound better than their equivalents in your native tongue. What's your favorite word or phrase in a foreign language?

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I only know Chelle's favorite French phrase--OMELET DU FROMAGE. And only because she sometimes yells it. Thanks a whole lot, Dexter!

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Added the DSi and the Flip videocamera.

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 07:51:35 GMT

You don't have to take it again if you've taken it and don't want to, but I made this one so it can sit on our "official" Blogspot blog:

More to come soon.

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RUINING YOUR CHILDHOOD STUFF, Part THREE.

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 04:35:46 GMT

I SO DID NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS.

Okay. So (see, my computer's working again, you poor people)...remember this show:

And recall that the youngest daughter, "Judy" went the way of Richie Cunningham's brother after a few seasons (actually after four--how the Hell can a character just DISAPPEAR like that???)? Well, she was written out.

And then she did porn after her family took her money. Her porn credits:

# Sugarwalls 29
# My Baby Got Back 29
# More Black Dirty Debutantes 32
# Hot Girlz
# The Adventures of Peeping Tom 28
# More Black Dirty Debutantes 30
# Booty Talk 20: Super Fine Sistas!
# Freaks Whoes And Flows 25

On the upside, on my birthday this year she gave birth to her first kid with her longtime boyfriend.

I actually can't wait for the reality show. She was on Celebrity Rehab, but I missed it.

[EDIT] And holy shit. Have you ever seen a SIXTY YEAR OLD who looks as fabulous as Telma Hopkins? Well, this year she's 61, but LOOK AT HER FACE. She's ALWAYS looked like that (and I remember her from her Tony Orlando and Dawn days!). SERIOUSLY...WHAT IS HER ANTI-AGING SECRET?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telma_Hopkins

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THE POOP HAS EYES!!!

Thu, 28 May 2009 08:20:32 GMT

Uhm...Teddy and I found something that looks like a (baby?) gecko on our walk. I thought it was poop ar first because it was shiny and brown, but on further inspection I noticed it had eyes...and a tail...and legs. >___>

More to come, plus pics to ID it. I don't want to keep it because I'm not a herp expert or person, but he is kinda cute. If it comes that I should release him back as well, that's all good too. I just didn want him stepped on on the sidewalk.

So people--gimme herp links or if you're a herper stay tuned for pics to help me ID what the Hell he is.

(EDIT) I THINK it might be a salamander. I looked on this page:

http://www.californiaherps.com/salamanders/salamanders.html

and maybe it's "Aneides lugubris - Arboreal Salamander", but I don't know. It looks rather young and it doesn't look like the "juvenile" on that page, but it does look like the adult ones. It's small.

Either way, I will probably end up looking for a safe place in the backyard to let him go tomorrow. I still have pics though.

I've never seen a salamander here on the West Coast. We saw them all the time in Massachusetts, but they were all black.

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Writer's Block: Teenagers & Car Accidents

Wed, 20 May 2009 15:07:02 GMT

Why do you think teenagers are involved in more car crashes than any other age group?

Sponsored by Allstate. Learn more at allstate.com/STANDUP

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Yay for sponsored questions AND idiotic responses from people who don't ever read. Ever.

The answer is grounded in science. BASIC science, even. They've done studies on this. Teens are more likely to take risks (whatever they may be--be it texting while driving, going waaaaaay over the speed limit while sober OR drunk, etc.) because the part of the brain that regulates inhibition and judgement (the prefrontal cortex) isn't fully matured yet.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/work/adolescent.html
http://www.childrenshospital.org/patientsfamilies/Site1393/mainpageS1393P316sublevel357.html
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-teen-brain-hard-at-wo

And no one is a special snowflake. I know I've pissed off a lot of people on my flist when I said that I wish the voting age was raised to 25, but as it is now after a whole lot of talk-talk-talking, I'm standing by that (in addition to adding on the political aptitude test), at least in part due to the science of the brain. It's kind of like saying "Oh no, I can make a fine wine in a month because MY grapes are SPECIAL!" or "My grapes taste good NOW, why would I have to wait for the wine to be good?" No, sorry. Science and nature just doesn't work like that, and a brain can only mature so fast.

That said, the people who said that teens think they're invincible get a B+. Those who need a wahmbulance after crying about "teen bashing!11" get an F.

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Writer's Block: When I Grow Up

Tue, 12 May 2009 00:45:33 GMT

Do you ever do anything now that you swore you would never do when you were younger? What is it?

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Vote for a Republican, LOL. And yet that's what I done did.

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How Strong is Your Relationship?

Fri, 08 May 2009 22:12:21 GMT

Your Relationship is Strong

You've built the foundation of a great relationship, and it would take a lot to shake it.
Through good communication and respect, you have a true love that can last a lifetime.

Keep doing what you're doing, and your relationship should stay healthy for a long time.
Everyone has rough patches. It's all about surviving them together and coming out stronger.

How Strong is Your Relationship?

Yeah, that sounds about right, LOL.

Punkassed BITCH... ;)

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Opening up old wounds.

Mon, 04 May 2009 21:39:07 GMT

There are many roads to LiveJournal—how did you first hear about LJ?

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lost_cowboy had his friend "meganisaloser" give me a code in 2002 because at the time I was best friends with him and the internet was the only way we could keep in touch because at the itme I had dial-up, so he couldn't call (and I was always on...back then I had my trans website to keep up and was exploring the internets a whole lot).

But then I did a stupid thing and hooked him up with a rancid bitch of a transman (raven_wolf) who couldn't handle it when Dean and I spent any time together as the immature "brothers" that we behaved as, so he had to edge me out somehow, so he behaved like a ripe cunt, facilitating fights between all three of us. And of course it worked, because they were fucking and Mr. Wolf was just sooooooooooo great of a fucking catch that Dean wouldn't dare risk the sex and the gifts and the 'caring', not even for a friend he met years before he ever started fucking that little piece of (explosive, demanding, controlling) shit. So after watching Brandon be a fucking CUNT to Dean on Michelle's birthday at Fenton's, I took a couple of months to breathe, went to Texas, took a few more months to work it out in my mind and cut off ties with Dean as I was too tired of watching him be manipulated and abused like a fucking abused housewife (there's the caveat--psychologically abused housewives don't believe they're being abused and will stay with their man because "Awww, but he LOVES me! That's just how he isssss!"). Fuck that shit. Also very tired of dealing with Brandon's shitty, explosive personality that would put us all in fucking danger every time he got pissed off and was driving. Yep, I don't wish it to happen, but some day that fucker's temper is going to get himself or Dean killed. I fucking despise "road ragers" (though his rage wasn't limited to the road, he'd take his rage out on the road, so that is fucked).

And lemme just add that since breaking all ties, I have not had episodes of my chest hurting like it did when I was around them or around the drama with them (so I guess the pain there was anxiety or stress...something like that). I had it once since, it was mild, and it was when Dean said HE was cutting ties with ME, even though I had already done so many, MANY months earlier. Idiot.

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Writer's Block: Philanthropy

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:06:57 GMT

Do you volunteer your time or donate money to any charitable organizations? Which ones, and why?

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I am late today, but on weekends for the past month and a half or so I've been volunteering my weekends to California Underdogs Rescue adoption fairs at Lisa's across the street. I'm only late today because my knees are killing me...dunno why, yesterday wasn't a particularly stressful day over there.

Peeked in when I was walking Teddy and I spotted the Crazy Lady adopting Adam. I will have to post about Crazy Lady in a bit, though I think I might've mentioned her before (the one who was all panicking about keeping the dog because he whined, then I had to spend the day with the dog...).

Ugh G-d, WHY do you have to cripple me like this? ;_____; WHY THE PAIN???

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Retarded Republicans in Pennsylvania.

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:24:07 GMT

See Marilyn, I'm not a Republican. I can safely point out when stupid is as stupid does.

Fuckall, everything is a "new tax" to these types of Republicans. If it were up to me, I'd fine fuckers $500 for having one hand on a cellphone and one hand on the driver's wheel. Driving isn't a right, it's a privilege to be earned with proper skills--and if you can't fucking keep your G-d damned hands on the wheel while driving instead of gabbing on your iPhone (or applying makeup, or doing something else retarded and endangering others' lives), then you shouldn't be driving. D:

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Pic of me & the chihoohoo.

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 08:17:08 GMT

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A WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE post.

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 08:16:21 GMT

Mmmm. Breastmilk cupcakes. MMMMMMMMM...wait, NO! EW! EWEWEWEWEWEWEW! WTF.

Also, I LOLed at Jimmy Fallon's Twitter meltdown re: him getting kicked out of the Posto restaurant because of shit he said about their sister restaurant, Spunto. I LOLed at how Fallon said "i am not (or ever will be) a food critic", yet in the original piece, he was criticizing the food along side of Mario Fatfuck Batali, with this to say about Spunto's thin crust Classica Margherita:

Batali: "One of the weirdest pizza experiences I've ever had. The crust is "thin, thin, thin. Did you really order this from the pizza header on the menu? The sauce isn't sweet; you're tasting the onions."

Ladner: "It wasn't bad, just wasn't what I was used to. This is definitely not cheese. It's processed."

Fallon: "I think they use a blow dryer on the cheese. That would be the best Ritz cracker pizza. I assume they have a place named Crusto?"

Batali: I bet "they have a stack of these ready to cook."

I guess that Batali has never had crunchy, thin crust pizza before, despite his whole self-imposed "ownership" of Italiano (ha, right--give me Giada any and every day over that douche...it enrages me that she and Bobby Flay shit the bed to Batali and of all retards on this earth, Rachel Ray)...but given what I've seen him do on his show and on Iron Chef, it doesn't surprise me. I can't stand Batali. It creeps me out to think of someone looking like him handling my food; he just looks like a red-faced suckling pig who mouth-breathes and licks his fingers whilst he's cooking. Not birthed, but plucked down from the rafters of his father's salumeria. He's gross, and he's the one who started the crap about Spunto. And if that's a real photo of the actual pizza, then that Ladner guy they were with is a retard who's never seen (or tasted) fresh mozzarella before.

But I digress. My main hatred is for Fallon and his idiotic, unfunny ways. I guess that people just don't LIKE him much at all--with this incident plus the whole Onion-ripping incident, I can only hope that he gets yanked from Late Night sooner than six months.

EDIT: I also wanted to mention, since this too is a WTF, that I was interested in seeing Observe and Report because it looked funnier and more professional than Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but after reading that there's a bit of 'comedic glorification' of rape in it, I...don't think so.

...

Stupid corporation facilitating stupid pet ownership.

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:08:56 GMT

I saw these a long time ago but forgot to post/talk about them until I saw them again tonight at PetCo.

VitaKraft Chocomilk Dog Treats

Yep, they contain cocoa powder. Major FAIL. I wish a bunch of vets would get on their cases about this craptastic, idiotic product of theirs.

http://www.thedachshundnetwork.com/foodtox.htm

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We live in an aischrolatreian society...

Harry Potter and the Craptastic Screenwriter and Director

I love this. Sirensong12's Facedesk friend uploaded it.

Writer's Block: 5//7//5

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Writer's Block: Comic Instinct

LEGO THRILLER.

Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson

I've always liked this song & video, even though...

Jesus Christ, what happened?

This is going to be one fucked up movie.

Writer's Block: I Can Relate

Writer's Block: It Sounds Better When You Say It

Added the DSi and the Flip videocamera.

RUINING YOUR CHILDHOOD STUFF, Part THREE.

THE POOP HAS *EYES*!!!

Writer's Block: Teenagers & Car Accidents

Writer's Block: When I Grow Up

How Strong is Your Relationship?

Opening up old wounds.

Writer's Block: Philanthropy

Retarded Republicans in Pennsylvania.

Pic of me & the chihoohoo.

A WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE post.

Stupid corporation facilitating stupid pet ownership.

THE POOP HAS EYES!!!